My personal Life EXPOSED !!!

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Jeremy

Jeremy

Well-Known Member
Messages
4,389
Location
tacoma wa
First of all I need everyone who reads this.. PLEASE COMMENT !!!


Most of you know i have a 4 year old son, and a girlfriend of 8 years now.
But the past few months have been really bad in our relationship. All I do it ***** and complain.

We both work, I have been working from 5 to 4 everyday for a few weeks(usually 7 to 4) and she works 5 to 10 .. 5 days a week just like me, we both get weekends off.

I'm 30 years old she is 25. I don't have the time to go out and meet alot of people b/c when I get home from work I have to watch my son and get up early and go to work. Her on the other hand has alot of friends and is in a sociable environment at work. I work w/ the same 4 guys.

Anyway, I can understand she wants to go out and hang w/ friends.
But when she gets off work she does her "thing" and doesn't come home until 2:00am ..

Keep in mind I have a 4 year old and I get up for work at 4:30 And she sleeps until 9:00to 10:00.

I Don't find this acceptable and this is a major problem. She doesn't understand why it's such a big deal.
I am a worry wart as it is .. I have to pay the bills everything .. It's hard to sleep anymore.. I don;t know how much more of this I can take...

So am I being *** for being such a @$$ ?????

Please help me explain to her why her actions are not acceptable (in my mind) Or if your on her side LMK !!!!

P.S I will be letting her read this !!!
 
Jeremy: I don't think what she is doing is right, I could see if it was on Friday nights, or maybe once a week or maybe twice but is she staying out that late every night? She should be at home with you and your son (Which is also her own son and not spending time with!?). Does her checks pay for any of the bills? If not then I would be asking for her to help pay for some of the stuff. Tell her you want time to go out and hang with the guys and its her turn to stay home....Or you tell her you have had enough and that it's just not right for her to be going out that late all the time!
 
is there any way that you can both get on the same schedule? the way it looks now, she watches your son in the am till you get home?

first of all i have to give you props for getting to 8 years. i cant go a year.

second of all, i am the same way you are, and unfortunatly, that is why i cant keep a girlfriend. my last one left, unnanounced, on out 1 year anniversary (lame i know) to go upnorth with some of her girlfriends and get hammered. didnt even say a word to me, and then i find out they had guys over, and i just flipped out. she said she would be home before i left for ohio to go to college (10:00pm) and she calls me at 11:30pm to tell me taht shes gonna be late cus shes hung over.

so maybe if you guys can both get on the same schedule, and that way you can go and do more things together, it may change how you view things?

EDIT: didnt know it was her son too. thats just not right. she needs to be able to stay home and take care of him, while you go out once in a while.
 
I work 7 to 4 every day also, I'm 26, union worker, and my wife is 29 we also have a son, 14 months, and she does not work. At some point in everyones life they will have to take on the responsibilities of raising a family / surrounding youself with a family lifestyle, this will ultimately include distancing yourself from the "night life/bar/club scene and growing the hell up. going out and being social when you have kids and responsibilities is once or twice a month as a couple to a friends for dinner when my mom watches our son. I'm not telling you what to do but if that was my girl she would have some serious choices to make. family first dude.
 
Jeremy this is going to start a huge fight.. (hope you ready for the can of worms this opens up)

I'm with you. My wife left me for the same things years ago. I got off work around 11 PM stayed out till 2-3 every night. I didn't see the issue in it myself till I came home to her and the kids gone... She was in my home town cut off from all her old life and family at the time. Well long story short I now live here in her home town. I have lost all my friends but did it for my family. I won't change a thing at this point. She told me her issues then but I never listened till she was gone.. She is also older than I. So its just role reversal in our lives. I will say if bills are piled up its not free to stay out till 1-2 am. She is blowing money and that would be more of my focus. But no you are not a$$ for wanting a family and growing up past the party life. Good luck its not easy to get a person to change.
 
She doesn't go out EVERYNIGHT more like 3 to 4 times a week.

I have to say tho Her excuse is ....

Your going to be sleeping anyway so why does it matter that I'm not here?

This is true (for the most part) I have been working ot lately and I'm in bed when she gets home !!!

So saying that Does this REALLY matter ?



Dread.. you make a point..
But Having the same schedule would mean I would need daycare for my son ..
She might as well not even work if I put him in daycare! ya feel me ?
 
well i do see her side of it but staying out till 2am when you have to get up early wouldnt be acceptable with me either, i do understand her needing her time to unwind but there has to be a "happy medium" were as you both get what you need.. i wouldnt say your in the wrong at all and I'm not just saying that cuz I'm a guy.. almost sounds like my ex, she was a fairly good mother but was still in her teen years even though she was 27.. even though we had 4 kids she still wanted the partying social life so i know were your coming from my man, the only advice i can give is let her read this and just let her know no ones ganging up on her including yourself but your needing to come up with a fair solution for everyone so that everyones happy.. I'm not budding in buddy but no matter how young kids are they know when things are tense and it causes stress for them as well so hopefully your caring enough to open up to everyone and ask for help and the fact it must be stressful to your daughter will help her understand somethings gotta change!!!
 
Jermey bud i will try to keep this short and i wish you the best of luck, But i must warn you the sh!t is gonna hit the fan.

First off i would ask the question of dose she love her family. If she dose or dose not will anwser many things.

If she dose then i would say its ok to hang out with your freinds every now and then not every night. Also she should do the same for you ( watch the little one so you can have a few hrs to yourself)

If money is an issue then that this makes things worse!!! It is never good when money comes in to the picture so i would address this in a different conversation.

I agree with you that her doing this is unfair and not setting a good example for the little one.

For those who don't know I'm 25 and my wife is 27 and our son is 3

i hope this helps and good luck
 
Jeremy said:
Dread.. you make a point..
But Having the same schedule would mean I would need daycare for my son ..
She might as well not even work if I put him in daycare! ya feel me ?
Click to expand...

:thinking::thinking:

i see what you mean. its a ****ed if you do and ****ed if you don't situation. but what if its not every day, just like fridays, you get a babysitter, both go to work for the day, and then have the weekend off to have family time.

there was a thread similar to this at the cummins forum....actaully there have been a couple. mostly, having the wife/girlfriend read what other people have to think about the situation (granted we might be biased towards you a bit), but its not her friends giving her their opinion that involves her ditching you more often and hanging with them more, it really hits home most of the time. and the offending party usually gets their act together.

granted i have no son or anything, but when i was in my last relationship, i did everything in my power to get home earlier (including excessive speeding in a semi) to get home to her. i think thats how its supposed to be. :Mr.confused::Mr.confused:
 
I might sound like an old fudy dudy but nothing good happens after 10pm.

I personally don't think a parent should be out partying. Not at least every night. For one economically you are probably robbing that child of something by spending money every night. When the decision to bring a child into this world is made, the old lifestyle has to fade into a new one. One that is more responsible but also much more rewarding.

My wife and I have our time out. She plans and goes out with the girls once a month or so, and I do the same with the guys. It's needed and healthy, but actively avoiding your family is not.

I hope the best for you. People tend to change in their 30's. Hopefully you guys will still be together when she reaches that herself.

Good luck.

(I have been through a divorce myself. My first wife was a Hooter girl and got home very late every night and we had a young child, so I know where you are coming from man.)

*
 
It sucks being stressed about family life, you just can't get it out of your head long enough to relax. I split with ex for different reasons. If I were you I'd be asking the question....what is going on that is so important so often that it keeps her away from her family? Is it the friends ? I doubt it. Is it the alcohol or whatever? maybe... Or is it someone else? In my experience the answer is the last one. If its substance abuse then thats a whole other issue that will need addressed. I'm fairly certain you have asked yourself all these questions already. Some folks just don't settle down quick and it takes something drastic for them to get a reality trip. I am a single father and am very happy we decided to split when we did. We as a whole are better. My son never saw what would have been a very bad ending to his parents relationship. I don't mind being a single father, my boy, dog and I have a great time together in joint custody. I hope the best for your family Jeremy and remember it's not about what the parents want, it's what best for Wyatt.

GODSPEED J
 
K dude I'm gonna reply only cuz you asked. I'm 38, wife is 39 & we've been married 5 years. partied my butt off & dated many through my 20's & early 30's till i met her. also no relationship ever lasted a year cuz i would never want to celebrate a year of being with a person that i never planned to marry.

now, don't get me wrong cuz what i say in no way implies that i think that either you or your girl are right or wrong cuz it aint about that. it comes down to being on the same page. & you arent

you are either single & party till 2am or your in a serious relationship and don't, its that simple. bank's story hit the nail on the head. if my wife or girl (whether we had kids or not) went out partying till 2am, it would be painful to be home playing the "where is she, who is she with, why is she out till 2am head game." i mean your up wide awake till she comes home, then your ****ed when she gets home so you've had a sleepless night & its off to work at 4am. i couldnt live like that.

your comment "i don't know how much more of this i can take" hits home. i was in a serious relationship earlier in life and although i couldnt believe i was doing it, i ended it for that very same reason, couldnt take it anymore. the way i figured was if i tried to force her to live the family life instead of her making that choice, there would always be a resentment there not to mention a huge trust issue.

married with kids now & hanging out with my boi's either means a bash from noon till 3pm, watchin a sport even for a couple hours or somethin. wife goes to a movie, out to dinner, drinks, whatever & home by 10pm-ish.

your not in a very easy spot with this, & i don't envy you, but if it has come to this point here, then you know where you are. :peace: :resp:
 
Blazer X said:
It sucks being stressed about family life, you just can't get it out of your head long enough to relax. I split with ex for different reasons. If I were you I'd be asking the question....what is going on that is so important so often that it keeps her away from her family? Is it the friends ? I doubt it. Is it the alcohol or whatever? maybe... Or is it someone else? In my experience the answer is the last one. If its substance abuse then thats a whole other issue that will need addressed. I'm fairly certain you have asked yourself all these questions already. Some folks just don't settle down quick and it takes something drastic for them to get a reality trip. I am a single father and am very happy we decided to split when we did. We as a whole are better. My son never saw what would have been a very bad ending to his parents relationship. I don't mind being a single father, my boy, dog and I have a great time together in joint custody. I hope the best for your family Jeremy and remember it's not about what the parents want, it's what best for Wyatt.
GODSPEED J
Click to expand...



You couldn't have said it better. Meaning my EX worked for a bank same Social life out until early mornings. For myself I had one operation after the other Lawyers more Doctor lost all my friend,etc... the only difference is we did not have children. I feel for ya and your son, hope she comes around ( back ). Don't tell her anything, let her know how you feel and what you think about all this. Good luck stay positive if it's meant to be it will...
 
Dude, I hate to say it, but I'm with blazer. Strange things are afoot at 2am and its usually not good. 3 or 4 times a week sounds very fishy.
BTW, 38 and married 14 years, with one boy.
God luck to you my brother. I certainly hope all works out.
 
heres my 2 cents my self and my wife have been 2gether 4 20yrs iam 36 shes 34 we have 2 kids 11yrs old and 3yrs we both work 10hrs a day5 days aweek we try to spend most nights/weekends 2gether with the kids but once in a while we still do our own things i belive this is what keep us sane wih each other and i agree money issues should be brought up another time when u have kids thats the most important thing in life thats my 2 cents worth hope it helps good luke buddy.
 
here is my 2 cents worth....my 1st marriage (that lasted 10 mths) was very similar except for the fact that the kids were hers,yup i said kids (3). when i met her she was a manager of a pool hall and would work till 2am and then come home.BUT she changed jobs and became a waitress at a club downtown and started staying out later and later sometime 4am.I worked from 730 to 630 with an hour drive on that so i had some long days also and when i got home her mom was there watchin the kids waitin on me,so it was instant babysitting for me.She had alot of guy friends from the new place and said that they would just be hangin out till the we hours of the morning but it didnt feel right .the reason my marriage ended after 10 months is i caught her with another guy that was supposedly just a friend.sorry but what her and her friend were doing is cheatin in my book.Short version is unless you work in that same inviroment it will never work.in your case she need to get the parting out and decide wahts more important.the "your gonna be sleeping "is a bad excuse,if she lives with you and the relationship is important ,then she needs to be right there with you while sleeping....if its important enuf,sacrifices should be made....I'm sorry to ramble but this stuff boils my blood and i hate to see a good guy go thru it....best of luck to ya
 
love ya like a bro SJ

call me if you need to talk




love is a Labyrinth my freind


:resp:​
 
Hey there Jeremy!Been Married 17 years now have two girls age 14 and 8..Been through alot of crap more her than me she hung in with me through the party years as well but I think there comes a time when we all gotta buckle down and do the family life sounds to me like you really love your family.If she's going out till early am while you sleep or not is not fair and does not show support for you it takes two to make things work.sometimes even an I love you does the trick....If you guys drift too far apart it seems like it's not worth it and becomes one sided,if she really cares about having a family it's time to have a good heart to heart even though things WILL get heated and words will be said which aren't meant, the truth will come out you have to find out what she wants as well as awhat you want yourself..then ask is it really worth it to continue or am I gonna keep on hurtin....after all you are your own number one and without you your children won't be happy and if your not happy in a relationship it seems to pass on down to the kids in turn making everyone misserable. I geuss what i'm really trying to say is,you have to be happy and know whatt you want in your relationship if it's always one sided it's not worth it and mabey it's time to move on it's gonna hurt like hell but time heals all wounds and it might be better sooner than later cause then you can still remain friends which benifits the kids!but no matter what bud you gotta make yourself happy first hope this came out right and makes some sence cause after 17 years i'm still trying to figure things out..my best wishes are with you and hope ya can work things out but someone has to give a bit and it sounds like your giving your all.... best wishes and hope you guys fix things life is to short though and YOU gotta make the most out of it for you and your children with or without her.....
 
puckamahow racing said:
Hey there Jeremy!Been Married 17 years now have two girls age 14 and 8..Been through alot of crap more her than me she hung in with me through the party years as well but I think there comes a time when we all gotta buckle down and do the family life sounds to me like you really love your family.If she's going out till early am while you sleep or not is not fair and does not show support for you it takes two to make things work.sometimes even an I love you does the trick....If you guys drift too far apart it seems like it's not worth it and becomes one sided,if she really cares about having a family it's time to have a good heart to heart even though things WILL get heated and words will be said which aren't meant, the truth will come out you have to find out what she wants as well as awhat you want yourself..then ask is it really worth it to continue or am I gonna keep on hurtin....after all you are your own number one and without you your children won't be happy and if your not happy in a relationship it seems to pass on down to the kids in turn making everyone misserable. I geuss what i'm really trying to say is,you have to be happy and know whatt you want in your relationship if it's always one sided it's not worth it and mabey it's time to move on it's gonna hurt like hell but time heals all wounds and it might be better sooner than later cause then you can still remain friends which benifits the kids!but no matter what bud you gotta make yourself happy first hope this came out right and makes some sence cause after 17 years i'm still trying to figure things out..my best wishes are with you and hope ya can work things out but someone has to give a bit and it sounds like your giving your all.... best wishes and hope you guys fix things life is to short though and YOU gotta make the most out of it for you and your children with or without her.....
Click to expand...

very well put!! i guess what it all boils down to my friend is were all here for u jeremy no matter what u decide and just a note; i stayed with my ex for a long time because of the children and thought it was the responsible thing to do but after years of her and i fighting i finally realized it was hurting the kids more then anything else and i left as my children were priority no 1......
 
Jeremy, I gotta side with her on this one. I was in the same situation a few years back. I used to work from 4pm-12am. I would hang out after work shooting the ****. Sometimes with a beer, sometimes not. Just blowing off steam. Its not like I could come home and talk to her. If I went straight home, I got to watch TV till 3am listening to her snore. So whats the difference if I hung out till #am and then went to bed? She would give me crap about it too.

People need to do something when they get off. Most can come home and talk with the family, but if the family is sleeping, then they need their freinds to vent with. Either "out" or on the web. Either way, if your in bed, it shouldnt matter unless the household responsibilities start getting neglected. She should still pull her share of the work load. Different shifts are tough man, I don't miss those days. Now I get home when my wifes getting up and sleep while shes at work. Works perfect.
 
Well I will start off with I didn't read everyones comments.

But from my thoughts and experiences. I am completely on your side. She should be able to go out once in a while and so should you. She needs to be there as she has a family now and shouldn't party all the time. This is your (togather's) child and she should be there when she can. You bust your but to make the bills and so on working numerous hours over here 5. She needs to learn to respect this and like said be there as a family now.

I am not old by any means as I an only 26 but I to have a 4 year old and before she was born I was out till 2-3 in the morning every night but once she was born I basically grew up very fast and basically put my friends to the side and focused on the family, but do need to get out and do your things away as well, just don't take advantage of it.

You (Both) should work it out in the best interest of the child however if it's to workable and she doesn't want to work with you. Don't hang on to long because it will start to affect the child involved. Do your best not to fight around the child. If all else fails seek a counselor.

(I as well was divorced from my first wife which was a horrid marriage which is where my daughter is from)

Good luck and hope she will respond to what we have offered in support and that all is well with your relation ship with changes.
 
Grumpy1822 said:
Jeremy, I gotta side with her on this one. I was in the same situation a few years back. I used to work from 4pm-12am. I would hang out after work shooting the ****. Sometimes with a beer, sometimes not. Just blowing off steam. Its not like I could come home and talk to her. If I went straight home, I got to watch TV till 3am listening to her snore. So whats the difference if I hung out till #am and then went to bed? She would give me crap about it too.

People need to do something when they get off. Most can come home and talk with the family, but if the family is sleeping, then they need their freinds to vent with. Either "out" or on the web. Either way, if your in bed, it shouldnt matter unless the household responsibilities start getting neglected. She should still pull her share of the work load. Different shifts are tough man, I don't miss those days. Now I get home when my wifes getting up and sleep while shes at work. Works perfect.
Click to expand...

no disrespect grump but when you have family there are certain priorities in life that come before others, hanging out having a beer or 2 after work isn't the same as going out 4 times a week until 2-3am, thats partying. I go to the bar after work for a beer or 2 a few times a week after work to blow off steam and relax, its only for an hour or 2 max. Kids and money go hand in hand becuase they are expensive and require a lot of attention. Even if you had the option to stay out until 2am would you do to it 3 to 4 times a week jer? or would you want to spend that time with your kids? If your answer is that you want to be out all night you should be single. I side with you on this one 100% we are in an extremely similar field with similar responsibilities.
 
jeremy i havnt been in a situation like yours so I'm gonna go with the "no comment" . i am however going to wish you luck and strength as you get through this. and you already know that we are all here for you.
 
Thanks Mickey ,,

And to everyone else who has replied
 
didn't read evryones posts but all i can add is when your a family everything is 50-50...
50/50--compromise
50/50--effort
50/50--resposiblity
50/50--in helping each other out
50/50--child raising
--and on and on
 
i have to agree with ya man. family for one is the most important thing friends come third or fourth on that list. if she doesnt understand or don't want to then its not worth wasting much more time on. I'm with alot of these guy that she has to make a choice to start being at home and not hanging out (partying). If her freinds are that important then she has to make that choice. She has to be totally honest as well as you and put all the feelings and hearts on the table and see where it takes ya .youll find out what she wants. and shell know what u want and need. gotta talk trust and love or its just not worth it. hope this helps we all at this site hope for agood resolution and good luck!
 
Last edited by a moderator:
THREAD UPDATE !!!!!!!!!
Ok going to make this short and sweet ..
For the members who don't know the story .. please re read from page 1 .. Thank you


So girlfriend after 8 years .... Yep found out that she in fact has been cheating on me.. She says it's only been for like a month ..so more like (6) ladies?.... ...
Any .... wait for it....






































Found out today .. she is pregnant ... I guess the good thing is she is sleeping with a black man . so we will c who's the daddy pretty freaking easily.
 
................................................................................... dude sorry to hear but no man should go threw that. well you have family here bro don't forget about it
 
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